makeshift newspaper clipping

should be dated mid-afternoon yesterday when I was feeling sorry for myself in the HUB atrium waiting for Bethany to come buy me coffee with her monopoly money. I said, "I'm really disappointed with who I've become, I don't know what happened to the Jillian I used to be who was a good friend and sat on the sidelines watching the drama happen." And then I felt better because I admitted it.
hurrah for admitting something shitty about myself. hurrah for monopoly money.

This time it's on the corners
of the sorry excuse of a newspaper
this student body provides
I only ever play sudoku
I'm lonely today
seems to happen once a month
that my hand feels unusually empty
kind of like my heart
every time I tell myself
I'll be okay
and I am
every time
I am ok, being alone isn't bad
but there are far fewer laughs
when you're alone
the world looks colder
less friendly
I know I'll be okay
but I don't want to be alone anymore
I want to feel like I matter to someone
I don't just mean
in that relationship sort of way
but friends and family too
sometimes I really do just feel
like I'm waiting for some
knight in shining armor
to come save me and make me
feel loved everyday
I know there are people who care about me
I just want to hear it
every so often
because maybe then
my hand will feel less
empty