resume

JOB #1 - SHOEFLY
title: mignion
duties: listening to boring people talk about how cute the ugliest pair of shoes in the store are and pretending to care and doing the bidding of the owners no matter how unfair it is while being heinously underpaid.

JOB #2 - ALASKA CANOPY ADVENTURES
title: herder
duties: dealing with angry tourists, explaining to them that they cannot go on the tour because, sir, i'm sorry, your girth is far too expansive for the little guides to be able to save when you don't pay attention to the instructions by these guides and get stuck in the middle of the wire. Being yelled at, being called names and ultimately, taking the brunt of the anger so that the people behind the scenes may save face and the large tourists may feel some sort of vindication on their trip and have someone to blame for how terrible the cruise was. Shuffling them onto the busses, to become someone else's problem while I wait for the next group of buffet-eating fuckwads.

you should hire me because I'm good at dealing with assholes and won't start swearing until after the tourists are out of earshot.