still crying

I thought I was done crying over you. I thought that I had moved on enough that I had built up that wall again, the wall that I held strong for eighteen years.
But then here I am, crying over a lost cause. Crying because you don't have the decency to write me back. Crying because I've never missed someone this much, because my heart aches everyday I don't wake up next to you. Crying because my hands are empty, and I'm sitting here writing. I'm emailing your best friend because that's the closest I can get to you.
Crying because I know that you're doing me a favor by not writing me back.
Because it's hard for you too, I know that. I know it's hard for you too... but that doesn't make it easier to know.
I'm crying for my lonliness, my stress, my longing for someone to hold me and to tell me that it's going to be okay.

but the people I would normally call on to hold me while I cry have all gone. You're gone. Sara is gone.
Sometimes it feels like words are only words, and all you need is to be held. you need someone to look into your eyes and tell you that it's going to be okay, because it doesn't feel like it's going to be anymore.

i need breakfast.